LukeLightman

Have to make a speech at the folowing conference - ergo have to create a project. Too small amount of time, too much work to do, too little confidence and aspiration. Well, who cares, somehow will do.
Finally I understood - I feel miserable not because I love her and miss her, but because I hate my lifestyle and myself, that constant stagnation and feel of loosing my life. Anyway, I don`t know how to change it. Well, only one idea - try to quit my job and throw myself to the waves of unpredictableness, away from the comfort zone, just watching where the flow will lead me. We live to feel, to see the life in all it`s diversity, to collect emotions and not to acquire an abstract social success.

Somehow it is much easier to write something when you`re rueful. Albeit, it is not that strange, people usually tend to seek for the way to share their sadness, to find consolation or just to convert the strong emotions into something more tangible. Only the state of discontent forces people for actions, if everything is ok we do nothing.
BTW, today after the whole day of work I feel really high, like I can do anything, like I`m free and really who I should be. Such a sweet delusion! People, they are so bright! friends, friends are everywhere! The world is so awesome! And such thing. And yep, I`m absolutely sober. I know, tomorrow will be different though. Damn, that cake is awesome.