Арина

• Had a small fight with S so we’re not talking. I didn’t cry or apologise this time. I should stop expressing love when he’s mean, that’s a positive stimulus and stuff. I just wait for him to say he’s sorry. I also shouldn’t be dramatic. I’m just tired of this shit, we’ll have to speak eventually, he might have a rest if he feels like it, I don’t mind chatting with my imaginary friends for a couple of days.

• My Spotify Premium is off. Fuck you, old prick, just die, you’re old, it’s time.

• My sleep schedule is a joke. I want to read something, but I’m angry and sad and anxious, so I can’t concentrate at all.

• I fell asleep to Debussy yesterday. Kinda nice. BLACKPINK in your area.

• The head hurts like hell after another pointless sleepless night. It smells like dust and hookah. My mouth is dry. I still have an aftertaste of breakfast pasta with eggs on my tongue. I hate eggs, but I’m sick of sweet stuff like ice-cream and cake. I still have some in my fridge, but I’d rather die.

• Piano pieces for beginners look like a joke. They’re not elegant, these are just finger exercises, even though they are supposed to be simplified versions of the original songs or classical pieces. They sound like a joke. I’d rather practice C major scale until my ring fingers are numb and my wrist aches, than keep embarrassing myself.

• I feel like rewatching La La Land tonight. Need tea.

• Every time I get anxious I go and play the piano until I calm down or get even more frustrated. Piano frustration feels almost extatic. That’s a good kind of frustration. I go to sleep and the next day I’m guaranteed to do a bit better. I like to see things actually improving at something.

• I do have like 10 mini piano sessions every day, also 1 or 2 solid 30-45 min sessions.

• Pepsi and Cola will be gone soon. That’s alright, I should grow up and drink water anyway.

• I do nothing at all. I don’t want to be the best version of myself anymore.
I don’t feel safe. I’m lucky to have my baby next to me. The dependency seems wrong and unhealthy but it keeps me from going insane.

• Была на концерте Oh Wonder.
♥Джозефина♥
♥Энтони♥

• Я счастлива.

• 'Cause you were the best thing for me
Stole my mind and found my dreams
Baby, if only you could see heart strings, heart strings
Heart strings, heart strings
Best thing for me
Open the doors and set me free
Baby, if only you could see heart strings, heart strings
Heart strings, heart strings

• Screwed up and brilliant.

• My existence is a failure.

• I could be born in the US in middle class family. I could be a sweet geek girl the prom king would fall for. I could be a smartass, who knows everything about science and stuff. I could be SO MUCH MORE.
But I'm still sweet anyway. No need to worry.

• Can't concentrate on article "how to deal with lack of concentration"

• The girls wanna play with boys
And the boys wanna play with girls (girls)
And the girls wanna play with girls
Boys wanna play with boys
So boy, don't you love this world?
The girls wanna play with boys
And the boys wanna play with girls (girls)
And the girls wanna play with girls
Boys wanna play with boys
So boy, don't you love this world?

• I love peach juice.