Из последних раскопанных увер - "нельзя устранять страх, я буду наказана на это".
I developed a severe anxiety this year, which resurfaces in certain situations. And I still don’t know how to deal with it. Every time I try to determine it’s nature, a “good girl issue” comes in mind. Who could do better, be better, but didn’t and that makes me somehow really “bad and unworthy”. The idea of eliminating that fear feels faulty. A good girl must be afraid of what she is doing, of being herself. No matter that I do feel I would love myself more, let I myself be who I am. Probably loving myself feels faulty too. But it shouldn't.
Shogun. Unexpectedly Japanese girl, the loved one by the main character (Blackthorn) gave him a high class geisha as a gift. She was married and couldn't have sex with him herself. It's kinda hot scene. Although they dont do anything sexual. Just laugh, joke - three of them.
Geisha and Mariko, the girl, are getting found of each other. Geisha understanding everything without being told and promising to pleasure Blackthorn for Mariko. If not for oppression of women back there in Japan, I would think it was great. Clavell pictures them as really pragmatical, non-jealous, open about sex.
I don't know how thorough he was in his narrative about Japan in 1600. But I guess he aimed to be thorough.
Все та же книга: “Posit Science is also working on visual processing. As we age, we stop seeing clearly, not just because our eyes fail but because the vision processors in the brain weaken. The elderly are more easily distracted and more prone to lose control of their “visual attention.” Posit Science is developing computer exercises to keep people on task and speed up visual processing by asking subjects to search for various objects on a computer screen.”
Нашла разработанное ими приложение http://www.brainhq.com. Похоже на люмосити, но с первого взгляда более детализированное и задания более разнообразные. Хочется купить такое на год попробовать.
“According to Merzenich, shoes, worn for decades, limit the sensory feedback from our feet to our brain. If we went barefoot, our brains would receive many different kinds of input as we went over uneven surfaces. Shoes are a relatively flat platform that spreads out the stimuli, and the surfaces we walk on are increasingly artificial and perfectly flat. This leads us to dedifferentiate the maps for the soles of our feet and limit how touch guides our foot control.”
Еще: разные подпорки-трости для сохранения равновесия в старости ускоряют процесс деградации нейронов, кот так не тренируются.
Про хождение босиком клево. В Корее в каждом парке есть спецтропы из разных типов камней для этого.
“Finally, Merzenich discovered that paying close attention is essential to long-term plastic change. In numerous experiments he found that lasting changes occurred only when his monkeys paid close attention. When the animals performed tasks automatically, without paying attention, they changed their brain maps, but the changes did not last. We often praise “the ability to multitask.” While you can learn when you divide your attention, divided attention doesn’t lead to abiding change in your brain maps.”
Doidge “The Brain That Changes Itself.”
“This means that the speed at which we think is itself plastic. Speed of thought is essential to our survival. Events often happen quickly, and if the brain is slow, it can miss important information.”
“They also discovered that as they trained an animal at a skill, not only did its neurons fire faster, but because they were faster their signals were clearer. Faster neurons were more likely to fire in sync with each other—becoming better team players—wiring together more and forming groups of neurons that gave off clearer and more powerful signals.”
Doidge "The Brain That Changes Itself.”
Bangkok is a lousy place. But it contains number of triggers - certain imprints of streets, smells, places where I used to live - that make me remember how happy I was here. Just being among all that makes me elated again. Like a factor that triggers that same emotions I used to experience here before.
Funny thing - no matter how uncomfortable a place is, if I was happy there, it can trigger happiness again and again. Meaning - anything can be that trigger. Any shithole can actually be that ‘enlightened factor’. So Bangkok again.. Doing nothing is a great occupation. Trying to make the most of it while I can. Today I am good at it. All worries about me being obliged to do smth are gone now.
It is probable that I see the pattern again - one day in elated mood, one in low. It is my usual pattern for the periods when I try to select positive emotions and eliminate negative ones. Sequence of rollbacks. Today is the elated one.
Tried to cure myself while half-asleep in the morning. It became a habit lately - thinking about something that triggers anticipation and imagining that the body will be very fit and healthy. Because it wants to live, anticipates that moment as well.
Sunny morning is great. Like I can feel and smell all tiny pleasures of being alive. I can understand what I want - that's a step forward.
Children always understand. They have open minds. They have built-in shit detectors.
01.30 - 10.00
Have just read 1/6 of Zimmer's "Parasite Rex". Last time, two years ago, it seemed like a difficult book with too much new information. Turned out it was me, who was difficult. I mean - I nag myself too much, pushing myself to remember everything that I don't want to remember. But the book itself is easy n interesting.
Those parasites seem to really fit in. Unusually good in surviving. But I wonder - what they feel, what they can experience? If it's just all about food n reproduction, I wouldn't want to be a parasite. Hard to imagine they can feel much without a complicated nervous system.
24.00-09.00 3 дпо
Изотопы кислорода — это разновидности атомов (и ядер) химического элемента кислорода, имеющие разное содержание нейтронов в ядре. Природный кислород состоит из трех стабильных изотопов, из них изотоп кислород-16 является наиболее распространенным (99,762 %) изотопом кислорода.
Его преобладание объясняется тем, что он образуется в процессе термоядерного синтеза, происходящего в звёздах.
Большая его часть образуется в конце процесса слияния гелия в звездах.
Это был самый офигенский заплыв. Изза отлива можно было уплыть далеко от берега, рассмотреть все кораллы, кот раньше были слишком глубоко. Я видела каракатицу! Фиолетовая пупса см 15, с неоновыми салатовыми точками и ярко голубой обводкой вокруг глаз. Минут 20 за ней плавала. Или она за мной.
Зависала над голубой бездной, пялилась в нее, успокаивалась, и оттуда вдруг проступили 6 каракатиц. 6! Не ожидала такое на снорклинге увидеть. Плавала больше часа, вылезла только потому что замерзла.
Тискала незаметно хуй в общественном месте, возбудилась. Потрахала потом мужа, накрыв сверху подушкой.
What !F users say
Only today learnt about !F and created an account. Have to admit, this site is interesting and special, indeed. The idea is quite the thing! I'll be keeping my diary in spite of anything. I like this anonymity so much!
I really enjoy reading other participants, it's so much more sincere here than in any social network.
Such a funny idea, to keep an online diary, which can be read by anybody - and nobody at the same time.
I like a lot that there are no comments on !F. Here I have an impression that I am writing just for myself. I have less concern that my message will be evaluated.
I like Fragmenter very much. Now I have extra motivation to change. It's a big difference – just write to myself in a paper notebook, or write in order to share my thoughts.
Fragmenter is cool – I start to think once and again why I'm so depressed and how I came to be like that.
Fragmenter is the best thing that happened to me this year!