Девчонки молодые, легко могут радоваться, беситься. Глядя на них, расхотелось быть важным мудаком-занудой. Две негритянки хотели танцевать и так крутили попками, что и мне захотелось пристроиться и тереться хуем о них. Потом зашла еще одна девочка, тискал всех троих по очереди или на скоко хватало лап. Тогда и прорвало - стало беззаботно и радостно. Одна из них осталась потрахаться. С другой девочкой опять были просветы. Хочу их больше, это как быть радостным ребенком и безрадостным мудаком.
Поработал, потрахался, приятная усталость. Почитаю и дрыхнуть
Проработал недолго, большую часть дня тусил с симпатами. Понравились болтать на разные темы, валяться на ночном пляже, Еще пингвины, аттракцион Hair Raiser, после него минуты 4 мир был ярким и интересным как в детстве. С симпатами клево.
Разглядывал разные сдавливающие НЭ, которые обычно вытесняю и ваще их стесняюсь, не мужицкое это дело - грустить, депрессировать. Подумал, что ЧСВ-ные заебы это еще и способ бегства от сдавливающих НЭ и пустоты своей жизни. Может поэтому девочки меньше вытесняют и жизнь у них приятнее.
Разглядывание еще нравится тем, что:
1) от внимания всплывают разные вытесняемые восприятия - похоже на оживление задавленых кусков психики,
2) возникают непривычные восприятия - сентиментальность, желание найти близого человека.
3) вместе с собственной охуенностью слабеет и мудачество
One more sympath is in Hong Kong, may be soon a sympath get-together will be in Philippines. Unfortunately big difference with normal people. I would love to see around pleasant faces, bodies, manifestations.
Walked thru a night-time Hong Kong. When I don't push out obvious I can see dominant perceptions on faces and in gestures and they are unpleasant and repulsive even of young people.
Tired and , don't want to make efforts to change my state.
Forgot everything except for work but finished many things and not totally insane. Now again I can feel pleasure background can't believe that so easy after so many hours of total unawareness.
Very busy at work but still PEs and the state a bit better than normal, even sometimes feel pleasure background, think of main trends and watch cluster diagram within few seconds.
Unusually positive state upon wakening up. Either less feeling that life is passing by and nothing changing owing to main trend intenseness strategy application or just occasional emotional fluctuation. Anticipation, pleasure and also vague EPs due to cluster diagram navigation. Even vague weak EPs are much more attractive than habitual NEs.
Tired and long communication brought me back to normal negative state, I need brakes and pleasure background remembering. Shown the Bo's site to a girl she said doesn't want long life but just travelling, strange excuse.
Some efforts resulted in increase of intenseness. Unhabitual pleasant state. Want to keep watching main trends, navigating cluster diagram and generating pleasure background.
When I avoid desire to force a girl and think of her pleasure also, she feels more comfortable without pressure to be touched or fucked and I feel better without intoxication from forcing and can get more unusual perceptions watching her personality manifestations, sensuality and beauty. The sex itself becomes more pleasant because of more attention to sensations and reactions and distinguishing and avoiding unpleasant. Also sex clears body from NEs influence, body is relaxed and pleasure is generated easily and naturally.
Looking at cluster diagram and thinking of its components from time to time has saved my morning. Less need in girls or any other activity to get rid of boredom and NEs. I get bogged down in routine of everyday perceptions and activities (business, sex, martial arts). Want to bring new perceptions and activities.
Just looking at cluster diagram helped me to change the state and I started to think that enlightened perceptions will make me happier than money, girls, travelling.
2 girls waked up also in ok mode, they just played with me but were shy to fuck in front of each other. Desire to force them aroused 5 times and leaded to unpleasant perceptions, and killed sympathy, so I dropped it. I'm able to feel some short and weak pleasant perceptions with girls when I stop poisoning perceptions.
Want to pay at least few minutes a day to enlightened perceptions, even weak and vague ones change intenseness obviously and I don't need for it nothing apart from few minutes.
A leaving girl waked me up, tried to fall asleep immediately but failed. Can't even distinguish NEs, can only describe the state as "nothing pleasant will happen". Lie around like this is too unpleasant, gonna change this state.
Trying to focus on work but girls keep distracting. One very faithful wife just raped me, she tired to be a good wife. Looks like faithful wives are most insatiable in sex.
Again breaking thru NEs, when I succeed I feel better for short time and it gives inspiration to try again. The easiest and most efficient tools in my case sexual desire and anticipation.
It was the worst night with a girl in my life, sex was ok but she couldn't sleep, felt bored and tried to wake me up, talk and kiss me and didn't want to go home till 5AM. Will never sleep with her again:)
Want to read, push business ahead and girls.
Pleasant fatigue after 3 trainings, during training were some pleasant holes in NEs, pleasure from physical activity with unusual PEs.
The playful girl doesn't like another girl company so I will spend this night with the only girl not with 2 like I dreamt. Want to alternate or combine accounting with a girl, suppose that accounting may suffer:)
Today my working day haven't kill all PEs, still working content and without noticeable worries. Going to train soon and a playful girl is waiting at home, a bit played with her at lunch brake.
Waked up in multiple NEs, but a girl made me feel better. My negative mood upon wakening-up is explicable by too many NEs in past and present, but I can change it every time I want. Working with content, anticipation of the weekend, sympat coming to HK etc.
Liked to spend time with 2 girls - talking, hugging, licking, I felt relief from being an important asshole imposing my desires and expectations. I just followed their moods and desires, and it was more pleasure, sympathy and friendliness. Such breaks in my work are refreshing, especially when the heavy self-importance releases me for a while.
Going to train martial arts.
Cum twice, dull but content. Keep working.
Unaware at work, the most pleasant were kisses and touches of affectionate and sensitive girl, in addition she is joyful and eager to teach me Mandarine
Any urgency at work makes me involved and crazy. Sometimes 3s breaks help a bit but in general it's pure insanity
Various NEs upon wakening up, then suddenly readiness and determination when I started to move. Pleasant feelings, want to remember them. They should be efficient in resurfacing from NEs and also in business.
What !F users say
Only today learnt about !F and created an account. Have to admit, this site is interesting and special, indeed. The idea is quite the thing! I'll be keeping my diary in spite of anything. I like this anonymity so much!
I really enjoy reading other participants, it's so much more sincere here than in any social network.
Such a funny idea, to keep an online diary, which can be read by anybody - and nobody at the same time.
I like a lot that there are no comments on !F. Here I have an impression that I am writing just for myself. I have less concern that my message will be evaluated.
I like Fragmenter very much. Now I have extra motivation to change. It's a big difference – just write to myself in a paper notebook, or write in order to share my thoughts.
Fragmenter is cool – I start to think once and again why I'm so depressed and how I came to be like that.
Fragmenter is the best thing that happened to me this year!