Evan

Recollect myself after reading Bo. It was wrong priority - not work for work or work to impress myself and others or just unconscious following the current or blind certainties, but work to make my life better. It means conscious and efficient efforts, pauses to calm down and check the efficiency of time spending and pleasure, before everything else.
I'm a rickety wreck so the idea of energy accumulation by pleasant physical activity and pleasure background plus NEs and concepts elimination is very actual for me.
Condition 0 to +3

Trying to revive after unconscious period at work. I don't want to repeat such deep involvement with my brain on autopilot of blind certainties that I need to work at the limit, very unpleasant hang-over. Condition -5 to -3, amoeba's torpidity. Will read 5 Maya to regain myself.

Was really crazy, filled in breaks in work with another work - I thought that if the new staff has nothing to do due to repeated PC repair I need to teach her smth useful. As a result insanity 8, even difficult to appraise my condition - from -4 to -2.

Realized that I can make breaks in work or any other mechanical activity and focus on something pleasant. Just did one and now feel better, I don't do such simple things but complain that stick to NEs.

Working, negative background of preoccupation and smth else vague. Condition -3 to 0

Time to work, the mood is still lighthearted and joyful. Wrote on MS, read a bit. Condition -1 to +2. Want to keep the mood and make my work joyful. Yesterday had an interview with a new sales girl, movie script writer, the staff becomes more female and pleasant.

A girl waked me up and asked whether do I want to fuck or not, I wasn't too sleepy and I like to fuck her. Now she is getting dressed and I'm thinking what to do before going to work. May be I will read and learn a bit of Cantonese.

Still at work but in unusually good temper. Anticipation to feel in other black holes and make more life more pleasant. It's like setting-up the business a lot of efforts, some failures but at the end it's bringing money. I want more pleasure in my life and now I want to bring it in little by little.

Wrote on MS and anticipating simpats coming to Hong Kong. May be they will not but I like to anticipate. Lack of normal communication is a black hole really. And some efforts in this direction changed the mood. There are 2 more untouched holes NE's elimination and self-development. Condition from -1 to +2

Waked up with acute shortage of close friends and really pleasant perceptions, I have only substitutes. Even when I was in Moscow and spent some time with simpats I was aloof but now it's too much - it's like this part of me is already dead. I'm spending all my time for business, sex and martial arts but it's not enough. And I'm too cocky when my life is empty in close friends, enlightened perceptions, self development, it means I'm dead in it if I don't feel shortage and need of it.
This morning somehow I feel it.

Can't find a reason but I'm happy and satisfied, partially detached and nothing disturbs me. Pleasant state. Want intenseness but can't get it. Condition from 0 to +2

Was busy and insane all day, besides the shop computer failed so I gave my notebook as a temporary substitute. BManaged to do a lot, tired but satisfied as a result. Condition -3 to -1.

No free time cause fall asleep again in the morning and later non-stop training of a new stock keeper. The girl patiently swallows up all tricks of stock keeping. I am too concerned to impress her as a proper boss, tired for it. Condition -2 to 0

Working and discussing what to do with 2 male staffs - one is too lazy and careless, another is hysteric and comes in shops drunk in his free time. Female staffs much more pleasant even if they are not able to do some computer work, will try new girls.
Condition -1 to +1.

One of the ways to get new impressions is to meet 5-10 girls a day, some are shy, other are so tensed that I have no desire to touch them, other are nice and tender, other are wild and horny, petting and fucking, if any, is also different. After it I feel to be filled in with different impressions many of which are pleasant. The best way to make impressions pleasant is to knock NEs down. Normally I have to many preoccupations, expectations, e.g. 2 girls came at the same time, I decided just to act spontaneously and don't worry and it happened in the way I liked, it was impossible to plan like this. Want to feel like this at work. Condition 0 to +2.

Waked up with NEs and thought why "love" to my wife passed so fast, afters kissing and fucking with her the answer became obvious - NEs swallowed all pleasant things. And sex is magic wand to knock down NEs. Condition +1 to +3 instead of -3 to -1, praise the Sex:)

Working with persistence and with less NEs is more pleasurable, thought over and discussed website structure, there are anticipation of online shop launching and learning Cantonese and some other pleasant things.
Very pleasant surprise - met a really horny girl, insatiable, I was tired not her. I wish I would have more hours to enjoy her sexual drive.

I like to complain about spending a lot of time in doing business, many NEs, boring primitive life. But only complains don't help. It's time to change all it little by little. Now I have not enough money and assistants, so I have to do many things myself. In business, started to arrange documents and do initial accounting. For NEs, knocked down pity and sense of despair and focused on desire to knock down strong NEs instead of sticking to them.

PEs, insanity, condition -1 to +2

Yesterday my another wife came back to Hong Kong and distracted me from work, I haven't seen her for 2 months and was very glad, we just hugged, kissed, told each other stupid words and I was so happy and in love. I'm not sure about is it real love or not, I was so happy that my attitude towards girls changed for a while. It was like sweeping out of all negative - desires, blind certainties, thoughts, emotions. But today another girl came and again I wanted to posses sex with her and her beautiful very young body. She was horny but attitude towards girls changed back. Now I feel ashamed for it, desire to possess and force are unpleasant perceptions.

Arranging documents and information at work with a view not to disappoint the new staff, placing orders. Anticipation of girls at night. Condition -1 to +1, not totally insane.

Working and discussing business, PEs while talking with J, I miss talking with simpats and fell greedily, hard to stop:)
Condition 0 to +1

Slept one hour more and on waking up condition -3 to -1, it's normal for me to be negative. Started to dip into work, trying to fight habitual unconsciousness and insanity.

I like to wake up early and look at a beautiful girl, touch and lick her, I don't like girls are in a hurry to work, I would prefer to prolong this time. During a day I also like to be distracted from work by their beauty or desire even just for few seconds, it brings more pleasure. Condition 0 to +3, a pleasant morning.

Usual worries and insanity at work, cureless desire to charm beautiful and horny girl. Without this gasping desire to impress I will get more pleasure but I'm an unstoppable robot and enemy of myself.