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I enjoy learning French now, I am lucky coz I have a French guy who teaches me (and I teach him Russian). I'm choosing some good song of Mylene Farmer to practice, feeling excited and happy))

We went to the cinema at the movie "Everest" in 3D. I liked that movie so much, I saw there Lukla and Namche Bazaar, I miss a track a lot. The film did not have a happy end, this was disappointing. But life often doesn't have happy ends. I would never go to such a track, it's too much risk.

1 day ago I went to chinese doctor to tell him about my problem with menstruation. He gave me some herbal to boil it. So, today it started!! First for almost 3 months! Rrrr!! Phhhh! :)

I love cloudy weather. In this weather I'm more cheerful and alive.

Recently, I started to watch gay porn. I like to watch the men who substitute the ass for fucking, sucking dicks, moaning, sit on the dick. In such porn men are more emotional than in heterosexual porn. In conventional porn almost all the attention is on the girl, but I lack the emotional men.
That's why I have only 4th dao now ;)

I love physical activity, gym, sauna, massage.
I feel like my brain is disconnected now, but sometimes there is an anticipation of what I will turn it on and use it.
I feel a lot of NE and find some justification every time, I want to keep my mind calm, so I need practice, but don't do anything, just observe them and try to realize that they kill me and make me sick and ugly.

1dao.
I like do not work, feel much better.
I need to kick myself to find something interesting to be enthusiastic and make $.

I love this kind of music - https://youtu.be/kUaSvXTHctA
I can feel it very deep when I listen to

Cum on 20th dao.
love to cum)
I feel satisfied and relaxed.

Foot massage.
Plans: Japanese, piano, English, courses about endocrinology. Yesterday went to the cycling and the sauna. I need menstruation, and I'll be happy.
15 dao

Waiting for massage, it will last for 2 hours)
Want to learn to play piano.
Feel not good.
10 dao.

I resigned from the school. Now I feel much calmer, my voice is recovered, sometimes I want to read. But still much to be done to repair myself.
5dao

Booo

The last week at school.

Hate school

I have meditated for 10 days every morning for 15-20 minutes, I want to make it a habit. Today, after meditation I thought about the thoughts that are chaotic internal dialogue, but I think this is process of thinking. These thoughts do not give me nothing but anxiety and stress. But I'm holding for them both something valuable, and then I can also say - "Yesterday, I thought a lot." And it's not true. I want to learn how to separate thinking and garbage.

The fifth day I get up a few minutes before 6 am and meditate for 15 minutes. It helps me to stay in the present, not to join negative emotions, not turn into a zombie, at least for a wile. I want to do more practice.
Yesterday, I ran to the stadium for the first time in a long time. It was very hot, like a sauna. I ran 15 minutes.
I am looking forward to the dismissal. I want to be more lively.

It's the third day, I go to bed at 9:30 pm and sleep until 6.30 or 7.30 am. At lunch time I come home from school and I sleep for about forty minutes. I feel calmer, but little power. Perhaps because the 0 day after orgasm. In the end of July, I will not going to work at the school. Soon it is.

.

I told my boss about my decision to resign from the school. So July is the last month of teaching at school.
I do not feel myself.

I am sitting in the wonderful place, in the forest, drinking some tea with cookies. It's so quiet here. I need more such impressions.

Have a menstruation twice a month again.
I really need to treat myself- physically and emotionally.

Pity myself because of the school, understood that I've never loved children, only felt tender emotion, as to rabbits or puppies.

Was at school, vomited because of negative emotions and oily food, back home, going to sleep now.
I'll quit this fucking school soon. Just be patient.

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