no one knows what will be and it feels like the same feelings will be the same

love makes you do crazy things. things that only fools do. like dream. but dreams. they are not real.

Не доделал бота, отвлекся часа на 4 на (VR) порно.

I hate myself.

in this life there is no greater pain than losing time with the people that you love the most

You should change
You can
And you will

Here we go again
Im back I think almost a year passed

I’m quite good
But something just doesnt feel right
I have this feeling
And I got to tell someone
But
Again
There is nobody to talk to
I mean
I got friends
Good people
But still
Don’t want to tell them
They won’t understand
Me? I don’t wanna disappoint and bother and stuff

So yeah
Pretty no one cares actually

Need to do smth
Will write down my thoughts firstly to avoid madness

And yeah 5th day of my disease, hope it’s not covid19

once again. life completely shatters my world.

life doesn't care about me, why should i care about life.

i hate myself.

i don't care anymore

You know, life is made up of moments. Everyone wants to focus on what's right and what to do in the moment. Live in the moment. What are moments? What's the difference between one moment and another moment. What's the difference between a single moment and many moments that make up a larger moment. Fuck moments. Fuck life. I'm tired. I want to give up. Everything seems against me. Just a moment. Just a moment. Just a moment. Just a moment. Just your moment. Just your moment. Just your moment. Anything to feel better now. Even if now I feel worse because of before. Anything to feel better now even if I feel worse later. Please save me. No more moments. No more anything. I want to end.

The happiness lasted for a single night. I hate everything.

I have such an ever consuming sinking feeling right now. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't.

i am a shit. i am shit. i am shit. i can't help anyone. i can't help myself. i am weak. i am stupid. i can't do anything right. why am i like this. my face is hot. my eyes are watering. i miss everyone. i am apathetic. why. why. why. what am i doing. i can't deal with this. be kind to yourself. life. life. life. why. why. why. what did i do. what is happening i don't understand. i want things to make sense. i want to be normal again. i'm scared. i want to believe everything will be okay. i'm so sorry. i can't do anything. i am shit. i''m sorry to my family, friends and girlfriend. i hate myself. i thought i was better than this. but i am nothing.

- I am pretty sad. I don't know. I think I should be happy but I am sad.

- Life is pain.

- Life seems bleak. Everything is a struggle. Instability is still there. But I love you.

Another day of instability. The brain is really funny. Always looking for an easier lie than a difficult truth.

You think you know someone. But they're two people. One sick and one not. You need to be strong because there's a time where the person who you thought you knew feels like they cannot defeat their other side.

Does it last a life time? No. Does it hurt to write? Yes. Does it hurt to read? Also yes.

Do I believe in something real? Yes. Is this something real? Yes. Do I have to be compassionate for myself and for them while they're getting better? Definitely.

Do they believe? No. Doubts exist. Do I understand? Not personally but they are sick.

Life is pain. Who cares if it's good.

I am pretty sad. I don't know. I think I should be happy but I am sad.

There was once a time that I felt alone. It was a really long time. The world had become dull. The monotony of everyday life. The feeling that you don't matter. It becomes great when you are feeling low. So you find a thing that you can control that make you forget. Feel good for a moment. You end up in a hospital once, it was fun. It happens a couple more times. The nothingness haunts you. Everyday becomes another day to be grateful to be alive.

Then you meet someone. Why has the world given to me the greatest gift of all? Love.

Just to take it away. Nothing is forever. The numb returns. This sucks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Z33CwdtUIA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-aT3Nj7rlc
Kei te hiahia ahau kia nui ake nga mohiotanga o toku ora.

I’m so in looooooooooooooove!!! I caaaan’t! Feels like I’m gonna explode. But in a good way.

I’m also horny af all day long. Especially when I’m with him. Panties are soaking wet.

Run
Daughter

three days without smoking!
can't say it was super easy
but i'm glad i did it
i have a lot of support from my cinnamon bun :3
it really helps when i can say all of my thoughts and concers out loud
without any fear of being judged
with understanding

and it's only the beginning!

yesterday was tough
i almost had a breakdown!
fortunately some wonderful people helped me with it
but for how long?

now i am awake
sometimes thinking about lots of the things i have to do makes me feel... vulnerable
sometimes i wish i could sleep for 16h/day
BUT WHAT'S IMPORTANT i don't feel this way now
wanna start reading 'power of now' and some papers for my thesis 💪

Искала треки среди музыки типа Рамштайна. Понравились несколько у Мерлин Менсона и System of a down.
Marilyn Manson - Para-noir https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSQvqnHKTp0
прикольный там коммент -Wedding song anyone?
Official https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJ6feg3TLoo&has_verified=1
I’d fuck you because Im your whore
I’d fuck you because you are a whore . Скинула это видео А

еще Менсон https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3sEKLlFLzI&has_verified=1
Ща пойду мыться, скоро на встречу с А. Не пойму, хочу ли накраситься. Нравится стараться не быть кп, не подавлять это желание. Но пока так и не поняла, хочу ли
-------
upd А написал, что у него температура и что он не придет

work 7.5h
persimmon
chicken roll with spicy mustard
lying in
YouTube
checking Pokupon