Wilhelmina

P writes to me a lot, but when I meet her in person she's still as distant. Just a character, she's just like that. She loved the exhibition. I promised her a print in a frame and M's positive about that but she told she'd like to buy that. Though the thing is definitely good for us I don't want to make her pay -- she's a friend and more than a friend.
Contemplating taking pictures of her and her family.
Read a little of fragments here:terrible. Feel sorry that I understand some Russian. School, sex, school, sex, school, sex. Of course people of age 13-23 don't have anything else to think about, but it still made me decide I'm not interested anymore.

In the morning the internet connection failed. M found another modem, now it's working... I guess. I slept a little, but my head still feels like a hot potato. I took a painkiller and some cider. Very mature of me, what.
I need to write to P about tomorrow. I really have to show her the exhibition.
I feel like a piece of shit. Soon a panic attack will come, as always after so much alcohol.
Another asthma attack.
I'm at my lowest, which means it will get better soon.
Hate myself.

Oh, I should be here more often.
Well, about yesterday -- I got TOTALLY WASTED. I mean, like, 100/100, 2 liters of wine, I don't even remember a thing. The last thing I remember is making spring rolls for M and NM, and then speaking to A. A's doing well, got the second mouse. Mice are so cute!
I think I offended her badly but I don't remember a thing. I mean, just by the way she wrote the last message at about 2 am.
If she drops from my life so be it. I won't miss, honestly.
I lost my phone, too. Someone tell Willy she shouldn't drink that much.

Back from the center, but did not start making the food yet, because I managed to cut my both index fingers. The hell does it happen to me that often...
The pictures for N are still loading, it's been three hours or more. That's long!
Fall colors are at their best now, we need to shoot, me & M. And I mean it. In a week there will be nothing to shoot, just dull grayness left.
Spirits help me.

OK, so I sent the pictures to N, she's been waiting for them for a month. Terrible me.
Had sex with M. He's good at it, yeah.
Now on to collecting myself and to the center. Then food for the kids. And some white wine.
And then... we'll see.

Something's wrong with me, right?
I really must work and I'm ... just not doing anything.
I can't even