nothing

You know, life is made up of moments. Everyone wants to focus on what's right and what to do in the moment. Live in the moment. What are moments? What's the difference between one moment and another moment. What's the difference between a single moment and many moments that make up a larger moment. Fuck moments. Fuck life. I'm tired. I want to give up. Everything seems against me. Just a moment. Just a moment. Just a moment. Just a moment. Just your moment. Just your moment. Just your moment. Anything to feel better now. Even if now I feel worse because of before. Anything to feel better now even if I feel worse later. Please save me. No more moments. No more anything. I want to end.

The happiness lasted for a single night. I hate everything.

I have such an ever consuming sinking feeling right now. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't.

i am a shit. i am shit. i am shit. i can't help anyone. i can't help myself. i am weak. i am stupid. i can't do anything right. why am i like this. my face is hot. my eyes are watering. i miss everyone. i am apathetic. why. why. why. what am i doing. i can't deal with this. be kind to yourself. life. life. life. why. why. why. what did i do. what is happening i don't understand. i want things to make sense. i want to be normal again. i'm scared. i want to believe everything will be okay. i'm so sorry. i can't do anything. i am shit. i''m sorry to my family, friends and girlfriend. i hate myself. i thought i was better than this. but i am nothing.

Another day of instability. The brain is really funny. Always looking for an easier lie than a difficult truth.

You think you know someone. But they're two people. One sick and one not. You need to be strong because there's a time where the person who you thought you knew feels like they cannot defeat their other side.

Does it last a life time? No. Does it hurt to write? Yes. Does it hurt to read? Also yes.

Do I believe in something real? Yes. Is this something real? Yes. Do I have to be compassionate for myself and for them while they're getting better? Definitely.

Do they believe? No. Doubts exist. Do I understand? Not personally but they are sick.

Life is pain. Who cares if it's good.

I am pretty sad. I don't know. I think I should be happy but I am sad.

There was once a time that I felt alone. It was a really long time. The world had become dull. The monotony of everyday life. The feeling that you don't matter. It becomes great when you are feeling low. So you find a thing that you can control that make you forget. Feel good for a moment. You end up in a hospital once, it was fun. It happens a couple more times. The nothingness haunts you. Everyday becomes another day to be grateful to be alive.

Then you meet someone. Why has the world given to me the greatest gift of all? Love.

Just to take it away. Nothing is forever. The numb returns. This sucks.