Shogun. Unexpectedly Japanese girl, the loved one by the main character (Blackthorn) gave him a high class geisha as a gift. She was married and couldn't have sex with him herself. It's kinda hot scene. Although they dont do anything sexual. Just laugh, joke - three of them.

Geisha and Mariko, the girl, are getting found of each other. Geisha understanding everything without being told and promising to pleasure Blackthorn for Mariko. If not for oppression of women back there in Japan, I would think it was great. Clavell pictures them as really pragmatical, non-jealous, open about sex.

I don't know how thorough he was in his narrative about Japan in 1600. But I guess he aimed to be thorough.

Будем пробовать❄

I'm laughing on the outside... crying on the inside

You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.

Morning wind is the coldest wind,
it flays me of my rags, it freezes-
the very memory leaves me speechless.

The condition is still heavily squashed due to yesterday orgasm. I fill like I am seek. Energy is washed down, very hard to experience any EPs, though it is still substantially better then a yesterday. 12 DAO are defiantly not enough for me.

A much more saturated day than usual. Main points of saturation:
- piano playing
- bazalt and Cyclic Perception of contempt
- working out in Gym while asking myself what I want to do
- skype conversation with M in english with attempts to discuss series for our project
- video call with A
- couple of quick talks with U and E
- less halting in the computer as a result

Woke up kind of smashed, wasted. Shower and a bit of piano, but still in the same dazed condition. Asked E a question, got the answer. Jerked about A, remembered about yesterdays question - Am I doing what I really enjoy doing right now? That nice, I want to keep thinking about it, keep remembering.

So what I want to do next? Ozveriadka probably and editing my timelapses finally) Maybe go somewhere for a photoshoot just to practice some stuff I've been watching tutorials on to convert theoretical knowledge into practical knowledge.

I am a fucking failure :) Why do I even live? :)
In the end, I'm just going to die, like a useless piece of trash I am.
Why do I even try? :)

Sdd

Я заблудился в этом лесу.
--
What has come over me?
What madness taken hold of my heart?
To run away, the only answer.
--
Когда больше нет подростковой мечты, кого и чем ты сможешь согреть.

полчетвертого утра. сижу, перевожу порнофанфик с английского, не зная английского.

Taehyung's smirk only grew wider. "That's the fun part."
"H-huh?"
He gently mouthed the piercings lining his boyfriend's ear and bristled with pride when he heard the younger's breath hitched audibly. "You just have to stay quiet. So he doesn't hear." He lifted his hand from Jungkook's waist to push under his sweater and caressed the soft skin of his stomach. "Okay?"
Jungkook swallowed thickly. "O-okay."
"Good boy."

I am that puny unbendable twig,
Which is grown up in a scorched hilltop.
Only myself I was able to tweak
How my whole life was inclined to drop

From the illusions to bitter exile,
From overheighted midair to the mud.
I saw no good, I was overtly vile
Now I am nothing but dried, silly rod.

this day feels truly wasted. Spent most of it playing, the game started to feel boring since the mechanics or the story are not that interesting and the major awesome thing about it is the gryphon himself. Watched movie, time killing in VK. Work - 0, partially because of the period (used it as an excuse to skip work). By the end of the day read and recapped 2 articles from Genetics.

The Dutch guy keeps writing me somewhat unusual questions and I noticed that in spite of being flattered I also feel very reluctant to answer. Digged a bit and found out that I despise him cos I think he's stupid. Strangely made me feel enthusiastic to get rid of this contempt. Eliminated it a couple of times.

No matter what I do, I can't help but think why I'm here. Why don't people see me? Why do I even feel sad. Maybe it really nothing personal. I was just born to not exist.

I should really stop dwelling on unnecessary things and just paint. Some things arent meant for me. Or not the right time? It seems I attract it. Or kinda like a cycle. I don't want it to be like that anymore.. Change....

... have you been drinkin’, to take all the pain away?
I wish that I could give you what you, deserve
‘Cause nothing could ever, ever replace you
Nothing can make me feel like you do
You know there’s no one, I can relate to
And know we won’t find a love that’s so true.

There’s nothing like us,
There’s nothing like you and me together through the storm.
There’s nothing like us,
There’s nothing like you and me together.

... lost in confusion, like an illusion
You know I’m used to making your day
But that is the past now, we didn’t last now
Guess that this is meant to be.
Tell me was it worth it? We were so perfect
But baby, I just want you to see

-Nothing like us-

доводит до слез.

It seems like once again
You've had to greet me with goodbye

Kak-to huevo i tlenno😿🤦🏼‍♀️🔪

• Была на концерте Oh Wonder.
♥Джозефина♥
♥Энтони♥

• Я счастлива.

• 'Cause you were the best thing for me
Stole my mind and found my dreams
Baby, if only you could see heart strings, heart strings
Heart strings, heart strings
Best thing for me
Open the doors and set me free
Baby, if only you could see heart strings, heart strings
Heart strings, heart strings

I feel like shit

Чет punisher вообще не заходит
Too much violence, shitty main character

Я проиграл.
--
You've got a new horizon it's ephemeral style
A melancholy town where we never smile

procrastinate and dont work, watching vid about procrastination and how to fight against it https://www.engvid.com/stop-procrastinating-start-learning/

Let the city cover snow,
Let the city cover snow,
Let the city cover snow,
Let the city cover...
Snooooooooooooooooow!