<1~2>

Finally it happened, anxiety left me for a while right at my working place. I am surprised that it last already over an hour and don't want even to go to martial arts training not to lose it. I'm ready to work like this, everything is pleasant, - working with database, placing orders, talking by phone, all I need just focus a part of my attention on this pleasant state or sensations in the body which strengthen when paying attention to them. The state is fluctuating, the more attention I focus on it the stronger it. Now I don't want girls or physical activity, just want to last longer.

вяк

встал

Вяк

хрю

Realized that I feel so anxious because it's habitual for me. The contingency only makes it obvious. I live all my life in anxiety even when I haven't worked and traveled around the world for many years. Business is good to reveal the habitual disease cause it's stressful enough. Now I can recognize its presence in many every day situations. The anxiety is chronic and lasting all my life and makes me suffer for no reason. That's why first I want to stop torturing me with the most intense anxiety. Today I succeeded few times and breaks in sufferings lasted from few seconds to few minutes, it was pleasant relief but when I got involved in work and lost alertness the anxiety came back.

<1~2>

-1 - +0.5; NPS (Negative Physical Sensations)
* I've dug up smth (which is related to some of my earlier fragments) that makes me feel a bit shitty about myself. Will try to explain it in-depth in my future frags.
* I've also made a bunch of other discoveries since last evening.
* After I awoke, I've been in a sweet boundary state between sleep and wakefulness for quite a long time. Maybe it's due to the fact that I've tried hard to prolong it at all costs, while my mind was desperately attempting to grasp at anything to start worrying.
* I was gonna go outside before the dawn, but then I felt an urge to poop, so I'd lost my chance.
* I've overeaten.
* It's damn cold in my lair.

вяк

вжоп

- интересно 1-3 думать над оформлением главной страницы !Ф и делать дизайн
- объелся орехов, теперь нехочу есть уже 2 часа
- втыкал в комп большую часть времени, сидел в напряжении каком-то

Upon waking up the condition was ok, I stopped thoughts about problems at work and enjoyed more pleasant things. But now when I have to come back to problem solving I am again anxious. Yesterday there were 2 moments when anxiety was so intense that I felt tired of it and gleams of relief and easygoing mood came instead but only for a short time. Understanding that the anxiety has is totally unnecessary brings some relief, will try to bring it to my day.

драчил

-woke up at 7:40,
- before the sleep yesterday I behaved like an asshole with Kenga, I should definitely start to control this
- want to read smth, don't know what exactly,
- Yesterday I liked the begining of the coursera course - "From big bang to dark energy", today want to continue
- the new !F feature is great, the one that allows to select the fragments written in one particular language,
- I think, in my case, there is a great difference between what I'm writing in English in the fragment, and what I would write in Russian. I guess the amount of words and phrases that I know in English determines the meaning and the direction of the English fragment.

вяк
-1

бу
0

http://www.twitch.tv/lirik thx for entertaining, bro
Вечера с этим чуваком просто пролетают!

• Позанималась английским. Сделала меньше, чем планировала, но всё равно много. Понял, что проходить одну тему в день - более, чем достаточно. Занимает около часа.
• Залипла на кавер Glee Cast – Cough Syrup.
"Life's too short to even care at all, oh woah oh,
I'm losin' my mind, losin' my mind, losin' control"

games, music, tea.
1

Experience of confrontation against habitual insanity, especially at work, is accumulated gradually. It's promising to grasp that insanity is not normal and inevitable and there are more pleasant choices.
I solved contingency situation half-way and pleased with it. I will remind myself that life is not always smooth and some unexpected things may occur, e.g. simultaneous PC hardware and product database server failure. I will think them over in advance.
Almost every come-back to my den after work results in mood improvement, it means I feel better inside and it could be reproduced at work - easy-going mood, fridge with tasty stuff, inspiring petting or fucking, doing nothing on the big bed.

хих

little read Suvorov, played games, watching Starcraft tournament
1

"Ave, Caesar, morituri te salutant!"

бяк